Why Am I Here?

So what’s my purpose? Why did I decide to add blogging to my agenda? I’ve been thinking about it for a year. Maybe two? Quite frankly, for me to think about anything and not act immediately is so extremely out of character, that when it does happen, I feel as if there has to be something to it – some reason or purpose.

We’re a mental health family. The statistic is that 1 in 4 have some kind of mental health diagnosis – well, so far 3 out of our family of 5 do. (I say “so far” because my youngest is just a little too young to diagnose.)

We are an ADHD family. We fight anxiety- all displayed in different ways. At least 2 of us fight depression as well. Better throw self harm in there too.

Mental health awareness, ADHD advocacy, Teen Suicide Awareness – these are some of my soapboxes.

I believe that I have information, thoughts, opinions and actual facts to share.

I knew what to do when we found out one of the kids was a cutter. Does every parent? Suicide is the 2nd highest cause of death for teenagers in Iowa. That is scary – and I believe preventable.

Maybe this blog won’t ever have more than a handful of readers. But maybe I can make a difference.

Back in School

So I’ve been in MIA for awhile. Life happens, right?

But we are back in school now. And that adds more to the daily struggle of life.

My oldest boy is thriving-meds are good, he’s playing football(8th grade), a good group of friends, grades are excellent. But he’s still an ADHD kid-we have to tell him to stop what he’s doing and eat, we argue-but maybe no more than a normal teenage boy? My battle here is my husband – who to me, doesn’t appear to even attempt to understand the ADHD brain. Very very frustrating and arguments that him and I have been having for 5+ years.

The true challenge this school year will be the Kindergartener. He’s a nightmare at home-worse than his older brother. Tantrums, not listening, running, hitting. So far, so good at school. That’s normal, right? Kids always behave better away from their parents. The homework battle last night lasted an hour. It was ridiculous. All the kid had to do was sing the “Red song” and the “Blue song” for us. So frustrating for me-kid! Oh my goodness, just do it. It’s so early in his school career that I have not found what works, or even what will help. šŸ˜”

May is…

May is lots of things but it’s also Mental Health Awareness month.

Do you know where your kids are at emotionally? Regardless of what legislation passes in what state, Mental Health is ongoing, and it takes a village. It takes awareness and constant vigilance.

There’s so much I have to say on this topic. I feel so strongly on education for parents. What do you do if your teen is suicidal? Do you know who to call?

I’m lucky-I know my resources and I’ve advocated for my kids. I’ve advocated for my kids friends.

But so many parents are unaware – and that’s a dangerous place. Loneliness, helplessness, so many triggers in today’s schools. Talk to your kids.

The battle of ADHD vs Anxiety

I’m a hot panicked mess today.

I start orientation in 2 hours. I could, and SHOULD burn it off in my flower beds.

But I meet with a client tomorrow and I’ve procrastinated some of her stuff soooo much that I need to work.

I tried setting up my laptop outside but my flowers are too distracting.

So I will move inside and in the long run, accomplish nothing-restarting my vicious guilt trip and subsequent meltdown.

The Road Iā€™m Supposed to Travel?

I hate money.

I lost my job right after Thanksgiving. Second time in 2 years to be job searching and it sucks. I have a fabulous resume but I’m an accountant. I can be a people person but I just plain suck at interviews. I’ve had 1-2 phone interviews a week for 4 months now-but no job.

Unemployment has run out and we are officially broke.

And therefore, I will start waiting tables again. Orientation starts tomorrow. šŸ˜¬šŸ˜žšŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļøšŸ’µ

I promised myself back in 2002 that I wouldn’t support my family by waitressing. But this isn’t permanent. I hope.

So let’s look at the positives.

  1. It’s a job. Cash.
  2. I will be forced to leave my house. And I need that-cause I’m isolating.
  3. I’ll get to talk to grownups. šŸ˜Š
  4. I was hired for days-which means daycare is easier for 1 kid and I won’t miss too many track meets and baseball games for another kid.

Late. Very uncomfortable

So I made it to my kids’ track meet. 45 minutes late this time.

It’s been a long couple weeks to begin with but my goodness I struggled to get here. Struggled to get out the door. Had to get gas. Drove faster than my comfort zone to get here. Don’t know where I’m going. Then I meet a train. Then I’m lost. Then there’s nowhere to park.

There’s no one here I know. Usually I have to toddler to be responsible for. Not here tonight.

I’m sitting alone and it’s 40 and windy and I’m so out of my happy place.

Positives. Positives. I have to find them.

First-I’m here.

Yeah, that’s all I got.

The train. (You know Siri said I was only a minute away. She was so wrong.)

I think my kid is somewhere in that group of boys in blue

Mess of medication and side effects

Am I managing the anxiety and depression? Am I trying to control the ADHD?

Or am I just chasing symptoms with medication?

I’m a hot mess. How the hell am I supposed to put on my best face and successfully interview so I can get a job?!?

Grrr, my redhead.

My middle child. My favorite, actually. He’s a carbon copy of me. But I parent differently than my mother. (see previous posts šŸ™‚ ) Therefore the fallout is different. And this one is a boy. He’s more likely a carbon copy of my uncle, which doesn’t necessarily bode well. But anyway…

And we argue. Oh, good lord, do we argue. Every day – please just wear a pair of jeans. You wear sweats every day. He hates jeans. Yea, me too. But I spent money on them and you look like a slob.

This picture was taken a week or so ago…gray on gray. Intentionally to irritate his mother – which is the only reason I got the kid to smile for the picture.

We argue about his chores. Wednesday is late start day. I hate late start day. It throws off everyone’s rhythm.

We argue about getting out of bed. Ok – so today the kid done good – LOL – he got me out of bed on time. But normally we argue about getting out of bed.

Grrrr. Boys. Teenagers. “Everything has to be proven to me” attitudes.

These are the days I want Baileys in my coffee.